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RIO DE JANEIRO -- The United States mens volleyball team was so devastated by Fridays five-set semifinal loss to Italy that coach John Speraw looked as if he were sitting at a funeral rather than at the standard postmatch news conference. He sounded that way as well.Its really, really, hard. I almost feel like today we need to mourn and get it out of our system, Speraw said. I know that we will. You cant not do that. But then tomorrow morning were going to have to regroup and start mentally preparing ourselves for the next match.The next match will be for the bronze medal rather than gold, which in some ways can be a more difficult challenge than going for gold.Three-time gold medalist Kerri Walsh-Jennings said that was the case for her after she and April Ross were upset in their beach volleyball semifinal this week, and she then played for bronze for the first time in her Olympic career. Thats because as much as everyone wants to win gold, at least the loser of the championship match goes home with a silver medal. Not so in the bronze-medal match. The winner of that match takes home a medal. The loser takes home mostly regret and disappointment.The Americans already had those latter emotions hanging around their necks after Fridays loss.I dont know what to say about that, Taylor Sander said. It happens, and it happened, and it sucks.Despite losing its first two matches in this tournament, the U.S. had recovered well (including an upset of Brazil) to advance to the semifinals. And as good as the Italian team is -- Speraw says it is the favorite to win gold -- the U.S. was in position to win several times.With the large crowd loudly and enthusiastically cheering for Italy, the U.S. had a four-point lead late in the first set with five set-point opportunities to win, only to fall 30-28 to the Italians. It recovered to win a close second set 28-26, then blew away Italy 25-9 in the third set. The U.S. also was in strong position to win the match with a 22-19 fourth-set lead, only to fail to score another point and lose 25-22.When a team loses like that in a set, youre going to get everything they have thrown back at you, Matt Anderson said of what it was like heading into the fourth set. I think we handled it well for most of that set, but there were a couple plays we could have taken care of better and taken a bigger lead and put us in a better spot.Italy then won the fifth set 15-9 in convincing fashion. While the Italians celebrated and the crowd went crazy, several of the U.S. players sat on the court stunned and teary-eyed by the loss.I thought we had so many opportunities to win this game in three or four sets, U.S. captain David Lee said. But in the big moments, the Italian team served the ball incredibly well, and that was the difference.Now the Americans have to recover and prepare for the bronze-medal match Sunday against the loser of the Russia-Brazil match. If its Brazil, the Americans will definitely have the fans roaring against them again. But they were able to draw energy from that fan excitement last week when they beat the host country and sent the crowd home much quieter. They need to do so again Sunday, or they will be so disappointed they could spend the closing ceremonies sitting and staring into space rather than marching and celebrating.I have all the faith in our guys to fight and be tough, Anderson said. Of course, there will be disappointment and setback the next couple hours. But were all in this together. 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The 28-year-old from Calgary matched his career best after missing just one shot in his two rounds of shooting in the mens 10-kilometre sprint competition. Smith finished in 23 minutes 15.It is one of the undeniable truths about sports. Not everybody plays.When kids first start in youth sports, particularly at the recreation levels, equity is the rule. Splitting playing time, making sure that everybody gets out on to the field or the court or the pitch, its as standard as orange slices at halftime.But it doesnt take long?before all of that sporting socialism is out the window in favor of competitive teams, travel rosters, school sports and theres simply nothing equitable about any of it.The most talented kids play. The coaches kids play. The league presidents kid plays. There are starters and benchwarmers, role players and garbage time players. The playing field becomes thoroughly uneven.And the view from the end of the bench isnt a particularly pleasant one. The kids can feel disappointment, isolation and frustration as they watch while others play. Their parents can experience their own frustration, sometimes taking an understandable urge to advocate for their child and turning it into damaging interactions with coaches, other parents and even their young athletes.Sports psychologist Sheriece Sadberry said the issue is often about expectations. ?Parents and athletes believe they have worked hard and are still working hard and they deserve to play, Sadberry said. Theres a lot of I deserve this intertwined in it.But really, its about getting to a place of acceptance of the situation and sometimes that acceptance is really hard to swallow.So many of us have had this experience with our kids, and it hasnt always lead to our best parenting moments, whether its the phone call to the coach you arent sure you should have made, or your kid begging you not to say anything lest it lead to even less playing time. Sometimes weve listened, sometimes we havent. Sometimes it makes things better and sometimes it really, really doesnt.Its so much harder to make a conscious effort to gulp back our own feelings while trying to encourage them to continue to work hard, to be positive and to be a good teammate even when they arent playing a lot.But I would argue that these are some of the most valuable and important lessons of the sports experience your kids will ever have.This is, very often, your childs first experience with adversity, at least as it pertains to their experience with sports. It is where they learn that hard work doesnt always come with a reward -- or at least an obvious one. It is where they learn that not everyone is treated the same. That things arent inherently fair.ddddddddddddJust like in life.But the lessons only stick if we believe them, too. The definition of success only expands for our kids if we expand our own definition.How a parent reacts can bleed over to their child, Sadberry said. Parents can make it better for a child. Or they can make it worse. And its hard when they dont get what they expect in return for what theyve put in.But as a parent, you can step back from viewing this experience for your child as an investment and focus on what other things your child can get from being an athlete, the benefits for playing a role, being part of a team dynamic, helping the team even if you arent a starter or a star. Its worth asking, whats the big picture as they get older and grown and develop?The big picture can often take a while to reveal itself.Five years ago, I was embedded for a season with the Stanford womens basketball team to chronicle their season. Toward the end of the year, as the Cardinal were preparing to make another run to the Womens Final Four, I wrote a feature about one of Stanfords bench players, Grace Mashore, a senior guard who was well-loved by her teammates and had barely seen the floor in a meaningful game in four years. She was a regular on the scout team during practice and a spectator in a uniform for the majority of her collegiate games.She was honest but guarded about her disappointment. She tried to be philosophical about the benefit of the experience of being on the team, but the regret in her voice wasnt hard to hear. Her parents also talked about how difficult it was to see her struggle with her lack of playing time, but how they also thought shed learned valuable lessons from the experience that would serve her well in life.More than a year after that piece ran, I ran into her at another event. She pulled me aside to tell me how that the piece changed how she viewed her experience as a college athlete.?She no longer defined it by what she didnt get to experience; she found a deeper appreciation for the opportunity to be a collegiate athlete and the relationships and friendships she built.?She thanked me for telling her story.It was a lovely moment, and a wonderful compliment. But the realization and the perspective was all hers.The lessons were hard, the value not obvious until later. But it showed up eventually. Just like in life. ' ' '